i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
