First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
