please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize