you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
