there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
