You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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