So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
