Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
