You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
