she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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