My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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