so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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