my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
