Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she smelled like a LAN party
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
