The best revenge is premature balding
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
