i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He better not be in your backpack
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
