I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
