He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
