Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
