How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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