Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
