I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
