fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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