I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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