whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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