Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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