guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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