you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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