Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
