i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
