Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
