i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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