Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
