Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
