All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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