THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
