She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
