and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
