I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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