I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
