who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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