1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
