Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
