somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
