I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
