If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
