someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
