My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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