I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
