I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
this just has baby written all over it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
