Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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