So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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