the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
