i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
