maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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