how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wear drunk well.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
