Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
