Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
